i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
