they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
