I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
