If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
