this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
