dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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