You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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