if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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