Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
