im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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