just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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