i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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