I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
