doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
