I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
