In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
