nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
