You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
