try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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