I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
