so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
