It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
