That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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