There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
