She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
