Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
