im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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