How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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