she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
