the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
