she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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