What a fucking waste of an outfit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
