i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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