sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
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