he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you bring me the toilet please
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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