I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
