you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
