so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
