I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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