Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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