3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
