If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
