Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
