if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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