Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh god the rape fog is back!
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
