he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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