My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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