Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can't motorboat a personality
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize