dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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