I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
