Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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