ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
