oh god the rape fog is back!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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