you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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