Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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