his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
