I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
