I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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