I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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