my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize