I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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