i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She told me I should be a condom model.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
