there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
