My friends, they love my intelligence
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize