he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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