OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
